Her Green Eyes
by Dreamwriter116
Summary: This is the story of the boy who Lily Evans loved,the boy before he was replaced by a man who mourned her, who still loved her after all this time.Who loved her always.The past of the man who spent his last moments looking into the same eyes that gave him meaning and hope: her green eyes(Snape's POV of his past,Marauders, how he found/lost love how he went to the dark side)
1. Prolouge

He had her eyes. That was the first thing that Snape had noticed about Harry the moment that he stepped into Hogwarts Grand Hall for the first time. They were a bright emerald green, shinning just as hers had the first time he had seen her. He closed his eyes for a moment as the memories came flooding back. Memories so powerful, so potent that he almost felt as though he was a boy again. That he felt all of the same emotions, the passion, the sadness, the jealousy, and the regret so painful it was like stabbing a knife into his chest. When he opened his eyes again, he looked back at Harry, careful to avoid meeting the boy's gaze again, protecting himself from another wave of painful memories. The boy looked a lot like his father. Same shabby brown hair, same arrogant attitude, same smirk on his face. Without a doubt he would be as troublesome, as meddlesome, as much as a scoundrel as his father had been. But he had Lily's eyes. And that was all that mattered. Lily had died protecting this child, and so he would have to be willing to do the same. For her, he would do anything. And he knew deep down inside what that would mean, even if he wouldn't think about it at that moment. He would shift loyalties, but he would never regain his reputation. Not as long as he had to play a double role. A traitor to the only side on which he would become a hero, hated by all, loved by none for the acts that he would commit. He would have to go to great lengths to protect Harry while still fulfilling the Dark Lord's wishes. He would have to listen to every command of the man whom he loathed second to none, the man who had taken away the only thing that he had ever cared about. But he never knew until later about the hardest part of this task. That he would have to let his last reminder of her go, to die as she died, to suffer her fate. All because he had kept him alive long enough to do so. Harry's death would be his fault, just as Lily's was. And he, too, would have to die in the end. But that never really mattered to him anyways. He had died the night that Lily Potter took her last breath. And he would spend his last moments on this earth looking into the same eyes that gave him meaning, hope, and a new life. Her green eyes.

This is the story of the boy that existed once long ago before he became the man with a broken heart, haunted by memories of past mistakes that he could never fix. Before he put up the walls. Before the laughter in his eyes became distain. Before his smile grew into an ever present frown. Before the man who hardly spoke after that fateful night, and when he did, carefully chose and executed every word so that he would never again say what he did not mean. The story of the boy who Lily Potter had known and loved before her death, the story of the boy before he was replaced by a man who mourned her every day, a man who still loved her after all this time. Who loved her always. A man named Severus Snape.

**Thanks for reading! Please review, comments and constructive criticism are welcomed **** I'm really excited to explore my favorite HP character, and I'm hoping that you are too! Hoping to post more soon, I am planning to develop this into a short novella, so please follow, your support means a lot!**

**-Miranda**

"'_After all this time?' 'Always'"- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_


	2. Chapter 1

_Chapter One is finally done! I tried to mix HP facts with my own interpretation of Severus's childhood home life, and I think it turned out pretty well. Heads up, it is a little violent, but I think it captures his family just right : ) I promise more uplifting chapters soon, needed to get in some background first! Hope you enjoy it, please let me know what you think!_

_-Miranda_

"Severus!" Eileen Prince called after her nine year old son, who dashed across their living room for the front door. "Severus, you come back here right now!"

Not a chance. Severus never slowed down. He flung open the door and bolted across the yard into the cool, dark night without ever looking back. His mother stood between the door and her husband, Tobias Snape, who lay unconscious on the floor, shards of a glass bottle decorating the floor around his head. She looked back and forth between her husband and the front yard, contemplating what to do. But after a few moments, she stood up, walked slowly to the door, and shut it, turning out their front porch lights. With a sigh, she blinked the tears from her eyes and walked back into their living room to clean up the mess.

Severus ran across their front lawn and down the dark, dirty, cobblestone street of Spinner's Edge, in-between the rows of dreary brick houses. He ran along the streets of Cokeworth, not caring who saw him. No one had ever thought very highly of him anyways. He didn't have to go very far to reach the edge of the town. As he left the buildings behind him, he headed for the only place that gave him a sense of comfort. He ran up the worn path that led out of Cokeworth and over the hill just outside of the town, although to where it led, Severus had no idea. The path had long since gone out of use; no one had ever bothered to repave it. It was cracked and dirty, well-worn from its glory days. Severus had thought that perhaps the farmers had once used it to travel with from fields where they kept their sheep to the town in order to bring loads of wool to sell. Cokeworth had once had a booming tailoring industry; however, those times had passed. The old mill in town hadn't been working for decades, yet it stood still, ignored and unkept. Much like how Severus felt himself.

Severus never stopped running until he reached the meadow just over the top of the hill, a little ways off the path. The meadow was the only place where Severus felt comfort. It felt more like home to him than the house of brick and stone where he lived. The tall, stalks of grass grew wild and free there, flowers poking through in clumps. There was a lone tree that stood tall in the middle of the meadow, sheltering the ground beneath it. It overlooked a small, quiet pond, overgrown with weeds and algae. It was quiet. It was peaceful. And it was all his. When he closed his eyes and blocked out the distractions, he could hear the chirping of insects and the soft, trickling of water from the small stream that fed the pond with water from the river the paralleled the town of Cokeworth. Once he set foot in the meadow, Severus began to relax a little. He walked over to the tree, and collapsed on the ground, leaning against the rough bark of its trunk. He let the tears roll down his cheeks freely. It was dark, and there was no one here to see him, no one to make him feel embarrassed. It had all happened so quickly, just like it always did. His father had been drinking again. And he and Severus's mother had gotten into an argument again. Severus's couldn't even remember what they had been fighting about. They always fought for as long as Severus could remember. He couldn't even recall a time that he had seen them getting along, speaking sweetly to each other instead of hateful words. If they had ever been that way, that time had passed long before Severus was old enough to remember it.

Tobias Snape looked down on everything and everyone, especially his son Severus. Often when he got into fights with Severus mother, he would yell about how much of a mistake it had been to marry her, and how Severus was nothing but a constant reminder of that mistake. And yet they stayed together, Tobias to scared to leave because of Elaine's magic, and his mother too proud to admit her marriage had been a failure. Severus had no other family to turn to. His father's parents were dead, and his mother's family wanted nothing to do with their daughter and her half-blood son, disgraces to the pure blood family name all because his mother had married a muggle. Tonight his father had been yelling at his mother again when Severus walked in. His father hardly took notice of him and when he did it was merely to criticize the boy for being so strange and such a burden to him. Severus had mastered the art of remaining calm, letting his expression glaze over with a blank face that masked his anger and frustration. He usually stood still during his father's rants, holding his tongue while his father criticized him, longing for the day when he would go off Hogwarts and never have to return home again. Dreaming of the day when he would become someone. Someone important. Someone who people cared about him and looked up to him. Someone powerful.

Severus knew when to stay and take his father's lectures, but he also knew when to avoid his father at all costs. And the one time Severus knew never to cross his father was after he had been drinking. That was when it was the worst, when his father's anger was so great that the hateful and sharp, painful words would be the least of his worries. It was then that his father acted rather than talked. And his bite was ten times more painful than his bark. Sometimes, he would hit Severus, hard enough that he would leave bruises on his arms or back. Other times, he would hold him against the wall, screaming into his ear until Severus cried out. Severus had suffered many painful slaps to the face, and he had semi-permanent bruises on his wrists from the strength of his father's grasp. One night, Severus had made the mistake of walking into the same room as his father after he had drunk himself crazy, and Severus's father had beat him to the ground, in front of his mother. Severus had almost passed out from pain by the time she had stepped in. He had been only seven years old. Severus's mother had taken him into his bedroom to look over his injuries. Strangely enough, he had been almost grateful to his father that night. At least his mother had tucked him in for once, and stayed with him until he fell asleep like she used to when he was very little. He still remembered the gentleness of her fingers stroking his hair, the touch of her lips to his cheek.

Tonight, Severus had made the mistake of walking into the living room with his father drunk on the couch. He had not been thinking. When he saw the beer bottle in his father's hand, he stopped cold.

"What are you looking at?" He said when Severus had walked in the room.

"Nothing," Severus had muttered quietly.

"What's that boy?"

"Nothing!" Severus said a little louder eyeing his mother to his father's side, her eyes glistening but too proud to let the tears fall.

" I don't want any backtalk from you,"

"I didn't even do anything," Severus had muttered under his breath but his father had heard him.

"What your tongue, Severus," his mother had criticized.

"You're too soft on him!" his father yelled. "He's got to learn some respect. Who do u think pays for his food? Or clothes? What about that school of his you want to send him to?"

That was a joke. Severus's father barley spared a dime for him, his clothes were mostly hand me downs from when father was a boy, and his parents often forgot to feed him, a lot of what little income they had was used to support his father's drinking habits, so he often went to bed hungry. And the only reason why his father had agree to pay for Hogwarts was so that he wouldn't have to keep Severus around for most of the year.

"You're nothing but an ungrateful worthless screw up, never amounting to anything; just like your mother," his father yelled, getting up off the couch and stomping over to Severus. Severus backed away in fear, holding up his arms to shield the blows he knew were coming. His father slapped his face, and Severus fell to the ground, crying out in pain. But this time, his mother stepped in.

"Tobias, he's just a boy! Stop this."

His mother. His mother was standing up for him. Severus opened his eyes, staring up at his parents in amazement. She often stood by quietly, never stepping in. Severus wasn't sure if it was because she didn't want to cross her husband or if she didn't care enough about him to do anything at all. Either way, it stung. But tonight, she had acted. And he was in shock. His father quickly spun around to face her, distracted from Severus for the moment.

"Are you telling me what to do?" Severus's father growled.

His mother stood, stony faced, only her eyes showing her fear. She did not respond.

"How dare you tell me what to do!" Severus's father shouted.

Severus's mother slowly drew her wand out of her robe, but before she could raise it up in defense, Severus's father knocked it from her hand. He grabbed her by her shoulders. "You listen to me, you got that! Don't tell me what I can or cannot do with my own son! You-"

That was it. Severus felt frustration and anger boiling up inside him, growing stronger and stronger. He felt a sudden warmth spreading through his veins, and coursing through his body until finally the pressure was so great he felt as though he would explode. And then it happened. The bottle in his fathers had floated out of his grasp, and up just over his head, where it hovered for only a second before crashing down, knocking Severus father out cold.

He hadn't meant to do it. Well, he had pictured all the ways he could hurt his father numerous times, but he had no control over his magic. Not until his powers fully developed and he got himself a wand. Yet tonight he had done magic for the first time in his life. And he was overwhelmed with a rush of emotions. Excitement. This was the start of something that would change everything. Maybe he would finally be given some respect. Maybe his mother would see potential in her son and show him the love that she never seemed to express since he reminded her too much of her husband. Maybe he would go to Hogwarts after all, maybe finally meet someone else who could understand him, who didn't think he was a freak, who didn't despise him for his strangeness or pity him as that poor boy whose father was an alcoholic and whose mother was a loafer. But more than anything, there was fear. Fear of what his parents would do he returned home. Fear that his father would lock him up and never let him learn magic. Fear of punishment he would receive. Fear of the pain that he was sure would follow. And frustration that it was only through anger he could produce any effect at all. He had tried to do magic numerous times, always without much success. Frustration that his eleventh birthday was still 2 years away, and that there was no one he could talk to about anything. He was alone. And the longer he sat in that cool, quiet meadow, the more hopeless he grew and the more alone he felt. He would wait to return home until the morning, after he was sure his father had gone to work and his mother was out doing her daily errands. For tonight, he was safe. And he fell asleep against that old, black birch tree, dreaming of the one thing that he longed for more than anything in the world. A friend.

_Thanks for reading, please review, I love reading your thoughts and opinions about my stories no matter how short or long : ) Stay tuned, more coming soon (And I promise it will be more lighthearted than these past couple of chapters!)_


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